Wednesday, April 26th, 2023
My Dear America:
The Following Apology is merely a suggested outline for a Legitimate Apology that I feel should have been issued by Fox News at the time of their Multi Million Dollar Settlement with the Dominion Voting Machine Corporation. Fox came up with the Cash-Big Time (787 Million Dollars Worth). People, That Ain't Chump Change. But Uh - An Apology, Not so much. So I thought that I would try to help out Fox News by Issuing their Apology to Dominion and to the American People on their behalf.
So Here Goes:
A Fox News Apology To Dominion Voting Machines Corporation & America
Prepared and Issued by G. Gordon Gadfly, Fox News Minister of Patriotism
Recent Circumstances surrounding our Legal Difficulties with Dominion Voting Machine Corporation have caused those of us at Fox News who truly are Genuine Patriots to reevaluate our Responsibilities to our viewers and also to those people who are not Fox News Viewers.
We are beyond ourselves with regrets regarding mistakes that we have made in the past. One of those mistakes included our On Air Lies about who won the 2020 Election for President of the United States. We now realize that Those lies fueled the Patriotic Fervor of those individuals who wanted so badly for Donald Trump to remain President of the United States that they Cooperated in the Shameful and Anti Democratic events of January Sixth, 2021. Those events included such things as breaking into the Capitol Building, building a scaffold to "Hang Mike Pence" and perhaps some other Politicians as well. We realize that those individuals who ransacked the Capitol, beat the hell out of Police Officers and pooped all over the place were simply exercising their Patriotic Duty that we have tried to ingrain into our Fox News Viewers for so many years but what we did in pushing the Election Lies of Donald J. Trump and his Republican Conspirators was a mistake and regrettable.
What is doubly shameful on our part is the fact that we were the first network to call the Presidential Election For Joe Biden. When Donald Trump dumped his ridiculous claims about "Winning the Election in a Landslide" on us we should have insisted that he should tell the truth but we didn't. clearly the Former president did not want to be called a "Loser." That was the kiss of death for him. But he was a loser. That was clear to us then and is even clearer to us now. And as a result of our unwillingness to tell our viewers the truth we have now joined Donald Trump in the Loser's Circle.
We at Fox also regret the fact that we not only supported Donald "Loser" Trump after the 2020 Election but we also supported his Lying Loser Circle of Weird and Wacky Friends like Mike "The Pillow Guy" Lindell, Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, among other Lying Losers who preferred to support Trump's unlawful attempt to become a Dictator over supporting Democracy and Joe Biden, the truly legitimate winner of the Presidency in November of 2020.
We at Fox News are at a loss as we realize by supporting Donald Trump for so long from the time of his First Campaign Announcement up until now just how many problems we have helped him to create not only in America but throughout the world. Clearly we should have known from the time of his Announcement when he was disparaging Mexicans and stating that he would "Build a Wall And Mexico Would Pay for it" that Donald Trump was a liar of epic proportions. But it was clear to us from the beginning of his run for President that this Liar had something special going for him. Trump was capable of outrageous lies that no other Presidential Candidate in the history of the United States could ever have gotten away with and he still had people who loved him and supported him. What the hell was it that this guy had. We are still trying to figure that out. But the Truth is that Fox Viewers loved Donald Trump and still do, many of them. Certainly not all of them. But there is no doubt that after Donald Trump (A dedicated Democrat for most of his life) decided to run for President as a Republican, clearly the Republican Party latched onto him and they have never to this day let him go.
Donald Trump was Twice impeached, took Russia's side in a dispute with America's Intelligence Agencies, Took Putin's side in the Invasion of Ukraine and led an Insurrection trying to get his followers to hang his Vice President and prevent Congress from Certifying Joe Biden's legitimate Election Victory. He has recently been arrested and charged with criminal conduct in New York and may also be charged with even more serious crimes and he is still the leading Candidate on the Republican Ticket for President in 2024. We at Fox would like to deep six Trump. He has been nothing but trouble for us. For God's sake, he and his lies have already cost us 787 Million Dollars. But what can we do. Are we going to refuse to cover the Leading Candidate for President in the Republican Party. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. That's where we are at Fox News. We have no choice but to cover Former President Trump.
While we are mentioning our Mea Culpa's we also wish to apologize to other companies and Groups who are suing us for all manner of things. Especially Smartmatic. Please Smartmatic, go easy on us. We have been through a lot and most of our money has gone to Dominion, not to mention the outrageous Legal Fees that we have already paid out.
One additional Apology that we wish to make is to the women of Fox News who work in many types of employment positions at our company. While we have paid off some of those women who have accused some Fox News Executives and Employees of Sexual Harassment and/or Sexual Abuse we at Fox are recognizing the error of our ways in not doing more to prevent cases of Sexual Misconduct by individuals in responsible positions at Fox News. We now realize that our long time CEO at Fox News, Roger Ailes was guilty of Not Only Sexual Harassment but of Sexual Abuse, as well. One Female Employee of Fox News who we paid off accused Roger of two decades of Sexual Abuse causing her to endure both Physical and Psychological repercussions. We are sorry for that and we are also sorry for the problems caused by Bill O'Reilly and others, some of whom were forced out with significant payoffs. The 2016 Suit brought against Fox by Gretchen Carlson with support from other Fox News Women caused us to significantly review our policies regarding Sexual Harassment and Sexual Abuse. We regret that so many women of Fox News have had to endure Sexual Misconduct s the result of working for Fox News. We pledge to do better going forward.
Of Course, looking back on it We probably should have paid the Dominion Company up front, and avoided looking like fools when our Fox News On Air Talent like Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham and Sean Hannity's E Mail's and texts were released to Dominion and to the world. Clearly their Texts and E Mails and the Texts and E Mails of other Fox News On Air Personalities have shown very clearly that Donald Trump was despised by these people despite the fact that they kissed his ass on air frequently even though they knew he was lying to them constantly. We also apologize for the fact that Tucker Carlson is not only one of America's favorite On Air TV Personalities but we also regret that he is also one of Russia's favorite On Air Personalities and a genuine favorite Russian Asset for Vladimir Putin. We now realize that he is a traitor but his Ratings on Fox News were so high that he thought we can't fire him. As of now we are proud to say that Tucker Carlson was wrong. He has cost our network too much money and credibility and is now permanently gone from Fox News.
Finally, we think that it is time for us to apologize for our continuing Coverage of gun violence in America. We think that it is about time for us to show the NRA the door and begin to discourage people like the 84 year old guy who shot a black kid because the kid came to his door and scared him. The old guy's grandson told News people that his Grandfather watched our channels constantly. We applaud his support for us but we wish he didn't shoot anybody.
From this day forward, we at Fox News are requesting that all of our viewers put your guns down and hand them over to the police in your area. We especially wish our viewers stop buying AR 15 rifles and stop buying ammunition for them.
We also wish to promise our viewers that we have learned our lesson and will be more responsible in the future. That is when and if our vast array of uninformed MAGA Republicans, Traitors and Old People continue to watch our Programs and buy our advertised products. Unfortunately, if our viewers turn away from Fox and go to other Right Wing Propaganda Stations like One America News and Newsmax all bets are off and we are back on the Trump Train heading for 2024.
Thank you all for Reading or Listening to our Unauthorized Fox Apology.
Sincerely Yours
Jerry Gallagher
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