Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Hurry, Hurry And Get Your Picture Taken With Newt Gingrich Before It's Too Late

Wednesday, March 27th, 2012

My Dear America:

In one of the Most Bizarre Presidential Primaries of all time something Really Strange has happened.  Stranger than Fiction, Stranger than the fact that honest to God voters voted in the Most Extreme Congress of all time.

Into all this Weirdness has come the Topper and there is no doubt as to how strange this development is and who is behind it.  Hurry up, Primary Voters, what is happening here is a sure fire signal that the campaign of long time Republican Scourge and Meglomaniac, Newt Gingrich, has finally lost it, in Oh So Many Ways.

Step right up Folks.  This is a limited (extremely limited) Offer.  

Your chance has finally come to help the Newt Gingrich Campaign establish Newt as possibly the Most Opportunistic Presidential Candidate who ever lived.

The Shameless One, down on his luck and down on his morality has done it again.  Just when you think that a candidate like Newt can't sink any lower here he comes to prove you wrong.

Yes, People, Newt Gingrich has truly proved that he has no shame and no brains.  In addition to letting go many of his Staff instead of getting out of the race and perhaps not destroying his party in the process, Newt has found another way to keep his Desperate Campaign going.

Newt Gingrich has fallen so far as to be selling himself, or at least his picture, to all takers for 50 dollars a pop.  At last glance the only taker standing in line willing to pay for a picture of themselves with Newt was Callista Gingrich and the word is out that she wasn't willing to pay more than five bucks for a photo with the Silver Haired Wonder. 

I hope Newt gives her a discount for being willing to put up with this genuine Mad Man for as long as she has to before he drops her like a bad habit like he did all his other wives.

What a Sensational Guy.  I'm sure we will all miss him when he has gone back into that Dark Oblivion from where he came.

What's the matter.  No takers for this (hopefully) once in a lifetime Photo Opportunity.  Don't forget, this offer will not last long, at least I hope not.

Sincerely Yours

Jerry Gallagher  

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

It's Super Tuesday in America and Rush Limbaugh is Unhappy

March 6th, 2012

My Dear America:

Well, Super Tuesday is finally here.  Yay.

And while the conversations should be dominated by talk of the Republican Candidates for President battling it out all across the country, the conversation still seems to be mainly about Rush Limbaugh's rude and obnoxoius comments about Susan Fluke, A Georgetown Law Student who had the nerve to testify before a congressional hearing in favor of contraception. 

Her reward for her audacity was to be called by Rush Limbaugh not only a "Slut" but also a "Prostitute."  Mr Limbaugh also stated that she should have sex and put it on the World Wide Web. 

Senator Al Franken said it best when he tagged Mr. Limbaugh as a "Big Fat Idiot" but this BFI has continued his lunatic fringe rants for many, many years now favoring the Republicans, defending every stupid thing that President Bush ever did and ranting and raving about how bad every thing was that President Obama has done. 

Nothing seems to have been able to stop this Multi Millionaire Drug Addled Monster up to now.  His "Dittoheads" (I would sibstitute SH for the beginning D in that word) follow his every rant and apparently say "Ditto Rush" to every maniacal thing he says.

But the truth is that Rush may have finally gone too far.  Although Republicans have been timid in their reactions to Rush's comments none of them are being Dittoheads on this matter of calling a smart, sensible Law Student a prostitute.  In addition Rush's sponsors seem to be rushing out the door at what must be, to Rush, an alarming rate.   They are leaving or have left at such a rapid rate that Rush has even apologized.  Translation, he has been forced to say he was wrong in this case because he was trying to be "humorous."

Hey Rush.  What in God's name is so funny about calling anyone a Slut and a Prostitute?

Those of us on the right side of sanity may be hoping right now that Rush's days of being an American Demagogue may be over but I don't think we should be doing too much rejoicing yet.  This BFI has sailed through other scandals with slimy ease and knowing Rush he will be continuing to paint himself as the Victim in this case instead of the Real Victim in this case, who to her credit, has made it clear that she does not accept Rush's half baked apology.  

Good for her.

Living in the Land of The Free does have it's drawbacks.  Certainly in many less than free Nations of the World a Super Critic of the Government would be short lived.  But we live in America where the only thing that seems to be able to stop a Super Critic like Limbaugh is the sound of his sponsors slamming the door on him. 

Unfortunately the price of being free in America is that you need to put up with Madmen like Rush Limbaugh spewing their poison over the airwaves.  Would we want it any other way?

I Think Not.

Sincerely Yours 

Jerry Gallagher

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Rick Santorum's Messages from Heaven

March 1st, 2012

My Dear America:

This week provided more excitement in the Republican Primary Race for the Presidency.  Mitt Romney narrowly won the race in Michigan and convincingly won the matchup with Rick Santorum in Arizona.  Rick appealed to Democrats in Michigan and claimed that he had done well with Democrats, who were eligible to vote in that primary. 

This week also Mitt was apparently asked about what is being called the Blount Rubio Bill in Congress that would not only allow employers to deny Abortion and Contraception to their employee's under what the Republicans love to call Obamacare.  Employers under this bill would have carte blanche to take away any part of health care they are required to provide that they do not agree with in principle. Mitt was asked about his support for the bill and initially stated that he did not support the bill, although after his Republican Right Wing Base let him have it on that issue he quickly changed his tune and got on board the Right Wing Express to complete control over Americian Women's Reproductive Rights.

Contraception was the issue that Rick Santorum was pounding away at prior to the Michigan and Arizona Primaries.  He spoke about the limiting of contraception as though he had received messages from the Almighty that told him "NO ABORTION AND NO CONTRACEPTION."  Rick was kind enough to let us all in on the Lord's prounouncements on Abortion and Contraception.  It seems stunning to me, though, that God would be against contraception since that would be a reasonable way of keeping women from getting pregnant, which would, of course, eliminate the need for countless abortions.  Rick's leadership over the Contraception and Abortion Cliff might be in jeopardy, however, unless God has some sort of miracle in store for Rick on Super Tuesday.  I guess we will just have to see about that when Super Tuesday arrives.

At the present time, however, we will just have to be satisfied with our knowledge that in all things, even Republican Politics, God Truly does Work in Mysterious Ways.

Sincerely Yours

Jerry Gallagher