Wednesday, March 27th, 2012
My Dear America:
In one of the Most Bizarre Presidential Primaries of all time something Really Strange has happened. Stranger than Fiction, Stranger than the fact that honest to God voters voted in the Most Extreme Congress of all time.
Into all this Weirdness has come the Topper and there is no doubt as to how strange this development is and who is behind it. Hurry up, Primary Voters, what is happening here is a sure fire signal that the campaign of long time Republican Scourge and Meglomaniac, Newt Gingrich, has finally lost it, in Oh So Many Ways.
Step right up Folks. This is a limited (extremely limited) Offer.
Your chance has finally come to help the Newt Gingrich Campaign establish Newt as possibly the Most Opportunistic Presidential Candidate who ever lived.
The Shameless One, down on his luck and down on his morality has done it again. Just when you think that a candidate like Newt can't sink any lower here he comes to prove you wrong.
Yes, People, Newt Gingrich has truly proved that he has no shame and no brains. In addition to letting go many of his Staff instead of getting out of the race and perhaps not destroying his party in the process, Newt has found another way to keep his Desperate Campaign going.
Newt Gingrich has fallen so far as to be selling himself, or at least his picture, to all takers for 50 dollars a pop. At last glance the only taker standing in line willing to pay for a picture of themselves with Newt was Callista Gingrich and the word is out that she wasn't willing to pay more than five bucks for a photo with the Silver Haired Wonder.
I hope Newt gives her a discount for being willing to put up with this genuine Mad Man for as long as she has to before he drops her like a bad habit like he did all his other wives.
What a Sensational Guy. I'm sure we will all miss him when he has gone back into that Dark Oblivion from where he came.
What's the matter. No takers for this (hopefully) once in a lifetime Photo Opportunity. Don't forget, this offer will not last long, at least I hope not.