Monday, May 25, 2009

Help Me, I'm a Republican - Get Me Out of Here - A New Reality Show

May 25th, 2009

My Dear America:

We have all heard, I am sure, of the new Television Reality Series called "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here", in which (so called) celebrities go the Survivor Route in South America for the possibility of Big Bucks. We have all heard of this show because disgraced Illinois Governor was trying to get permission to leave the country to be on it.

He failed to get the permission to go himself but Bum Rod, being the ever intense self promotor that he is, finally convinced his wife to go and suffer the humiliations and degradations of the South American Jungle in his stead, while Rod watches the kids and the show in the comfort of his Chicago home. If I were Mrs. Blogoevich, I would stay home and divorce my husband and try to get my share early of Rod Blogoevich's big money book deal.

Anyway, to get to the main purpose of this rant, I have my own projected version of this TV Reality Series that I want to call the following:


I think, America, that you can already see the purpose and the potential of this Reality Show. The purpose of the show will be to show that Moderate Republicans are no longer welcome into what is left of the Mainstream Republican Party. We have seen Moderates leaving the party in droves for several years as they watched their party become more Extreme and unwelcoming to them on each passing day. Those who did stay did what they had to do in order to maintain membership in the party and became more extreme to the point where they left politics or, like Arlen Specter, moved to the other side of the aisle.

Specter is a fascinating case. He has led a very interesting public life. As a young lawyer he was the staffer on the Warren Commission Investigation of the Assasination of President John Kennedy who came up with the "One Bullet Therory", which supposedly explained how one bullet could have hit both President Kennedy and Texas Governor John Connally, who rode in the front seat of the President's car in the November 22, 1963 Dallas Motorcade. This Theory has been discredited by many Warren Commission Critics but Specter marched on in his political career to being District Attorney in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. After a rather successful run in Philly, Specter then ran for Senator from Pennsylvania and has been in that position for many years. Recently Specter switched from being a Republican Senator to being a Democratic one. It was not the first time that Specter switched parties in his political career but it was a stunning blow to Republicans and seemingly a welcome switch to President Obama and Democratic Party Pros in Pennsylvania. Anyway, Specter's recent votes have not seemed very Democratic and time will tell what will happen in the 2010 Pennsylvania U.S. Senate Primary. My guess is that although there will be a scuffle in the Pennsylvania Democratic Party that eventually Specter will be the Democratic Nominee and the likely winner of United States Senate seat he has held for many years.

Lets forget about Specter, Hagle and the many many moderate Republicans who have been run out of their party. Lets get back to my premise of a Republican Reality Show that I want to call:


This show has got everything that makes a Reality show interesting enough to be a ratings grabber. There is a large cast of backbiting, intensely dislikable real life characters, each one looking to slice up the other ones in their bloodthirsty quest for dishonor and fame.

Certainly in this Reality Show along with Specter's departure we need to jettison that last of the Republican Moderates still left in the Republican Party, Colin Powell. Along with Colin, out go the two Moderate Republican Women Senators, who had the nerve to, along with Specter, support President Obama's Stimulus package.

That pretty much cleans the Republican Household of moderates, although there may be some sneakily hiding out in the House of Representatives disguised as Extreme Republicans.

Now, as we get down to the real drama of figuring out who, indeed, is The Most Despicable Republican of all who are left, the pickings are far from slim.

We can't pick Rush Limbaugh only because he has publicly resigned from the Republican Party. I guess he resigned because his party still wasn't extreme enough for him.

What a loss.

He would certainly have been my choice for winner of Most Despicable Republican.

Certainly one of my picks for Most Despicable Republican would be and is Dick Cheney. His Nationwide search continues for finding opportunities to defend torture and to damage the Obama Administration's efforts to heal the worldwide wounds caused by the Cheney-Bush Administation.

At least Bush has the good sense to keep his mouth shut.

Then again when you are talking about Despicable Republicans you cannot avoid the man who started a needless War in Iraq and deregulated you, America, into the economic toilet. When you talk about Despicable Republicans you can't avoid including George W. Bush.

But while we can look through the Congress and elsewhere across America to find Despicable Republicans and God knows they are everywhere (Hannity, O'Reilly and pretty much everybody you can find at Fox News) there is no Republican in my book as despicable as Newt Gingrich. Newt Gingrich wakes up every day and looks at his odd features in the mirror and says to himself:

"Why can't I be President"?

The answer to that disturbing question is because, Newt, to be President you should have at least some redeeming qualities. You, Newt, have an awful name, awful stage presence and self interest that has nearly destroyed this country in the past and if brought back into play, surely will destroy this country in the future.

You led the effort to stop the government from working by keeping it from having a budget during the Clinton years. You led the charge to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about his affair while you were doing the same thing and you told your wife you were divorcing her for your new love while she was in the hospital dying of cancer.

But despite these solid reasons for Newt Gingrich to stay out of the political arena, he continues to slither back in on Fox News and elsewhere on television and radio as a spokesman for the party that he almost singlehandedly, with the assistance of George Bush and Dick Cheney, led to ruin. Gingrich is increasingly talking more and more like a man who knows what he is doing and may be thinking about running for President. God Forbid.

Newt's latest victim of slander is the person who holds the same job Newt did during much of the Clinton Era, Speaker of The House, Nancy Pelosi, who he accuses of lying about whether or not she was advised by the CIA that they were using waterboarding on terror suspects. She claims she was not told that. Newt says she is lying.

Who is this guy kidding? According to him the CIA never lied to her. The CIA lies for a living and so does Newt Gingrich, who left the job that Nancy Pelosi now has because he was censured by the Congress for ethics violations. Now he is the protector of the Truth. PLEASE.

The truth is, however, the Republicans have no one else to promote as a Presidential Candidate in 2012. They have driven nearly every decent Republican Politician either out of the party or into hiding.

Maybe Mitt Romney can move to some further extremes and maybe some fools might go for Rudy Giuliani but that's pretty doubtful. Lousisiana Governor Bobby Jindal made the mistake of opening his mouth too early and showing you, America, that there was not much going on in that head of his. Tim Pawlenty and others like Sarah Palin, YIKES. The truth is that anyone with any brains in the Republican Party will see that Barack Obama's appeal seems to be lasting and despite some supporters being unhappy with some of his moves they still like Obama, the Person and the President.

So the bottom line is that despite which Despicable Republicans gut and slash each other for the privilege of going up against Obama, only someone in the Republican Party whose negatives are few and who is a virtual unknown at this point in time can get the Republican Presidential nod with any chance of succeeding against Barack Obama.

Looks like an 8 Year Term for Obama as far as I can see. And to those Republicans out there who continue to slice and dice each other I say:

"Keep Up the Good Work Boys and Girls"

Sincerely Yours

Jerry Gallagher